Opinion: It Can Take Years For The Final Break With Domestic Violence

There has been much written on Rihanna returning to Chris Brown in light of their alleged domestic violent relationship. While many don’t understand the concept of a victim returning to her abuser, Rihanna fits the statistics.
Most abuse victims return to their partners several times before the final break. Often it’s not the first time a woman leaves her partner that the break is complete. Several factors play into this from economic to social. The victim wants to help the abuser recover at times. Sometimes after being broken down emotionally fear of not being able to survive on one’s own two feet propels a return to what is known. At times there is no where safe to go and so the circle of abuse continues.

One in four women in Canada will fall victim to abuse by an intimate partner.

Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.

Many abusers are good at charming the masses. Its only behind closed doors that the abuse comes out. When the people surrounding an abused person sees the partner as charming it’s difficult to gain the support needed to break free. Add this to the fact that most abusers are also master manipulators knowing which buttons to touch on their victims. After a violent episode the abuser can become more loving, being the that person the victim fell for in the first place. The victim wants to believe that the violence is now in the past. That sadly is a rarity.

Many victims go to a domestic violence shelter. Sometimes those shelters are as unsafe as the homes they left. When a mother feels that her children are not safe they will return to the home and the circle of violence. For others a shelter can feel like a prison. Those feelings create a sense of punishment. Many are unable to support themselves and have to turn to social aid adding on to the feelings of guilt and failure.

In the end, leaving domestic violence behind takes a stand of faith. A victim has to gather courage to weather the times of uncertainty. When self-esteem has been crushed this is a difficult process. But only when that step has been made can the circle of abuse be broken.

If you are trying to leave a violent home this web site offers several resources in Canada.


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